1. After you manage to get your Internet access to work again, a video of Mick Jagger appears, singing, "You make a grown man cry..."
  2. Screensaver notifies you with a laugh track whenever there's a security breach at America Online or Netscape.
  3. An hour after your Windows installation, a power surge mysteriously fries the 030 on your daughter's Macintosh.
  4. If you only have 4MB of RAM, digitized voice of Bill Gates laughs and says "Fooled you twice, shame on you!"
  5. New mathematical flaws in Pentium are discovered that occur only in Lotus 1-2-3.
  6. Every time you plug in a Microsoft CD-ROM, bells ring and a shiny quarter pops out of your floppy drive.
  7. For your holiday bash, you invite Microsoft Bob and McZee, and they end up being the life of the party.
  8. After several days of contact, you open all your conversations with "Geez, does OpenDoc suck or what?"
  9. Every night an angry Steve Ballmer appears in your dreams and threatens to kick your butt unless you crank it up to 65 hours a week.
  10. You emblazon a big Windows Start button on the front of your underwear, and spouse threatens you with divorce.