[Brought to us by "Uncle Jon" Solomon.]

Modem - What landscapers do to dem lawns.

Token Ring - A virtual engagement gift.

Ethernet - A device for catching the Ether Bunny.

DataPac - A size 14 girl in a size 8 bikini.

Asynch - A place to wash your hands.

Bisynch - The place where Elton John washes his hands.

BBS - Tall tales told by insects that produce honey.

ASCII - Ancient god of Telecommunications. Rumored to give vast amounts of data to believers. Hence, the phrase "ASCII and you shall receive."

Block Parity - One heck of a good time.

Carrier Detect - Raison d'etre for premarital blood tests.

File Transfer - Procedure followed by INFORMATION CENTER staff who are tired of their present jobs.

Hayes Compatible - Prone to riding with a grizzled old cowhand who sings off-key. Gene Autry is the industry standard.

Serial Interface - A spoon.

Terminal Emulation - A function performed by a canary that lays on its back with its legs in the air.

XMODEM - A device on the losing end of a lightning encounter.